Archives

BE GOOD TO YOU

Don’t get down on yourself today. Give yourself a little give today. You don’t have to master anything today. You don’t even have to try today. It’s okay to feel like you can’t go on today. You know what? Today might just not be your day. We all have those days. I’ve had a seriously […]

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All of Me

I’m 43. Having illnesses as a child that impacted my family’s holidays, gatherings, celebrations etc., I have always felt like I was/am a burden on people. Most saddening, that I am a burden on the people I love the most. The people I only want to bring love, life and beautiful moments to. People tell […]

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Thank You

Recovery is an unsteady beast. At this point, with some of the horrific complications that have happened, my recovery could easily not happen – especially when so much of the battle is mental and my mental health state is so difficult (I’m seeing an excellent psychologist.) I’m grateful for my mother and father, my beautiful […]

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What Post Traumatic Stress Looks Like

This is what a PTSD attack looks like for me. Sometimes I’m a lot more physical than I am here. Rocking, pacing, and other things. No one can touch me when I’m in this state. The sense of touch makes me want to crawl out of my skin when I’m in this state. PTSD attacks […]

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ALL IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS

Post-physio glow. I will be crying and in unbelievable amounts of pain later on. But I’m happy I got the second consecutive day of my new physio routine done. It’s working every single part of my body … and every single part of my body is feeling it.

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Shouldn’t Matter But It Does

I was out someplace. Someplace where I sorta-did/sorta-didn’t, know most of the other folk there. Everyone’s doing their own thing at Someplace. I remember the state I felt I was in. I remember I’d dragged myself, with every ounce of I-Think-I-Can, to Someplace, that day. I had been *regular person* sick for a couple of […]

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When Beginnings End

I never knew love could hurt so much. I’m coming to the end of a 19 year marriage. It’s amicable. It’s a peaceful finale. I’m constantly aware of the reasons, the logic, the adjustments … they’re all easy to see, they’re ever-present. As it turns out, the end isn’t the hardest part for me. For […]

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Too Tired For This Shit

So tired. So so so fucking tired. And so so so fucking tired of feeling tired. But it’s okay, because all I have to do is look at nature’s flowers and my spirits are uplifted, I’m suddenly riding a raging florgy.  And I can always just think of happy thoughts and that will make me […]

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Thank You Note

I wanted to say thank you to all who reached out to support me recently. It was both unexpected and touched me deeply. I had a supportive Skype consultation (because I couldn’t get there physically) with my physio yesterday. We discussed my deconditioning and medical induced PTSD in relation to what needs to be done […]

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#TB #GOALS

#tb and #goals 💓 Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the fight I’m in right now and the fight that I have ahead of me, in order to get some kind of a life back. I see photos like this one (below), from before my health spiral/degeneration, and it’s a bittersweet […]

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Hope

Don’t get down on yourself today. Give yourself a little give today. You don’t have to master anything today. You don’t even have to master trying, today. You know what? Today just might not be your day. We all have those days. Most people don’t have too many of those days back-to-back, others do. I’ve […]

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Just Wanted To Say

Sometimes, after another health event, someone will say: I don’t know how you keep going. I’d just like to clarify something, and that is … Sometimes I don’t think I can.

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Please Don’t Believe In Me …

… because honestly, it would be so much easier that way. The drums of negative self-belief could keep beating. My heart could stay caged. The comfort zone of all I have ever seen could remain securely in my surrounds. I wouldn’t have to step even a toe through that grating, uncomfortable barrier that has been […]

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I Wish You Support

Someone asked me today, ‘Do you have support?’ I’m lucky that I could say yes. An absolute, unequivocal YES! My family and friends who support me are angels. It’s not easy to support a chronically ill person. I get that. It’s hard to see someone you love hurt, weak etc. And it can be physically […]

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Had Myself A Little Thought

Just wanted to say… You are so worth every bit of luscious love and care you can muster up and give to yourself. You are you. And that is gorgeously right. 🙂 It is so important that we take the time to think about what satisfies us in life. At some point our journeys are […]

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So I Did This Ballet Thing

So yesterday I was doing my usual VERY limited ballet/physio routine, basically just tendus: one to front, one to side, one to back – then repeat on the other side. But I added some developpe-ish moves to the end of my session. I happened to be recording that ballet/physio session, and when I looked back […]

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Everything Has a Beginning…

This blog is no exception to that rule, needs her own beginning, so I’m starting now. My name is Zoë. I am not a thing, like a florist or a teacher etc. But I have done many things. I lived my whole life, a staggering 38 years, with ebbing and flowing ill health. Lots of […]

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